kilanlager: Joseph Was A Good Dad: Fatherhood Session of Gospel Man Track

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I had the privilege of leading the conversation on fatherhood at the January 11 Gospel Man Manhood Track night. I was really blessed to have my oldest son sitting in on the session and holding me accountable for my words. I was able to confess sin toward him to the crew and publicly repent to him and affirm him. I was also moved to see a room of 10 men, 6 of whom are not yet dads, pressing in pursuit of godliness in this role.

We have audio but context necessitates not posting it, with context in this case being a chilly room with 10 saved men dealing straight with Scripture and sin. There are things that you?d say in this context that you?d verbalize and frame differently in another. This of course does not mean it?s ok to curse, slander, or sin with you mouth in this setting. It?s just that context means something. Teaching an 18 year old something might go a little faster than teaching it to a 12 year old. Dealing with an elder of the church over something would have a different pace and tone than dealing with someone who is brand new in the gospel. Same here.

But I wanted to get something posted. So here?s the outline of my talk. You?ll get the jist.

Big Idea: Jesus?s dad was a righteous man who simultaneously held high standards and displayed great tenderness.

Text: Matthew 1:18-25

Flow

Ask: How does you being a holy dad (working hard at this) advance the gospel of Jesus??

My kids will know Jesus!
My home becomes a light, a bastion of the gospel.
I can come alongside dads and bring the gospel to bear on normal dad questions.
Etc.

Some foundational stuff to begin:

1: Remind them that being a holy dad is a fight.

Everything is against you being a father.
- Flesh.
- World.
  - 1, lowering the bar so that you will be satisfied with sin.
  - 2, flattening all distinctions and denying a unique calling to fathers.
  - 3, victim culture, daddy issues, blame everything on dad, dad is evil.
- Devil. He is a Father and has children and knows his sway over them. Last thing he wants is Christian men redeeming fatherhood.

2: You should be deeply desirous of being a dad.

3: Begin your study on Fatherhood with God the Father and His relationship with the Son.

4: Also, look at good dads in Scripture. We are doing that tonight. What did it look like for Jesus? dad to be a dad?

Go to the text.

?Now the birth of? Jesus Christ? took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph??

Ask if anyone has ever had a broken engagement?

Ask what is the fallout from a broken engagement?

Take that x 10 and you get to betrothed.
Difference? Depth. Seriousness.

Ask: what is the 1 thing that did not happen during the betrothal period? Sex.

Cannot even comprehend this in our culture, right?
Betrothal gets this right. First, I covenant with you. Then I will take you into my bed.

Ask: Sex during betrothal would have been sinful, and especially if what?

With another dude!
And yet that is exactly where the text goes.

?Before they came together she was found to be with child? from the Holy Spirit.?

Ask: which part of that did Joseph not know about?

He knew she was with child, but not by the Spirit!
Gotta feel this: give his word, his life to this woman. And she has gone and gotten pregnant during this time with someone else.

Ask: What would you do? What would a godly Christian man do??

?And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling? to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.?

Establish the fact that Joseph was righteous, so whatever the text says next it is giving approval to Joseph?s actions as a man.

Ask: what was righteous about Joseph?

1, Not wanting to disgrace/shame/secret/quietly

2, send her away.

Which indicated his righteousness? Both!
Deal with the second one first because this one is foreign to our ears.

STANDARDS

Joseph, being righteous, intended to divorce her.

He will not go ahead and consummate his marriage with a woman who is immoral. (Pause.) Joseph not sentimental, not romantic.
He is holy.

Ask: If Joseph went looking for counsel in our day, what would that counsel be? Secular psychologist or soft American Christian pastor?

Secular:

She is just expressing her sexuality.
Get the abortion.
Cost benefit analysis with Joseph?s interests at the center.
Etc.

Soft American evangelical:

How could you put her away?
Don?t you love her?
You are a sinner too, don?t you know that?
Don?t be so judgmental.
Etc.

But the text says he was a righteous man and he was going to divorce her.

This was a serious sin.
This was a violation of the law of God, big time.

What is going on there?

Righteous manhood is committed to principles.
Righteous manhood makes judgments.
Righteous manhood establishes standards.
Righteous manhood is capable of accepting pain for the sake of long-term gain.
Righteous manhood says no.

Calvin has a fascinating quote.

?Joseph was not so soft and motherly.?
That is not a condemnation of being soft and motherly. Soft and motherly is beautiful. But not from fathers.
Righteous fathers set standards and hold themselves and their families to them.
Righteous fathers discipline for sin. And this is what Joseph was going to do with Mary.

And, 2, ?. how was he going to do it?

TENDERNESS

Ask: how could he have done it?

Embarrass her.
Make sure everyone knew HE wasn?t the father.
Loud and public so that he is cleared and held in high regard.
With anger, violence, ruthlessness.
Etc.

But he won?t do it that way. He refuses to shame or make a public show or spectacle of her.

He loved Mary. He will not expose her and family to public shame.

He wants her to thrive as much as possible in her future and in raising this child. ?I can?t marry you. But I am going to do everything in my power to minimize the public shame that would come with this.?

Tender is the right kind of soft.

Ask: Let?s say that Mary had been unfaithful. 10 years down the road, how would she have spoken about Joseph?

He was a holy, kind, generous, humble, selfless man who refused to shame me.

?But as he considered these things, behold,? an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, ?Joseph, son of David, do not fear to take Mary as your wife, for that which is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son, and? you shall call his name Jesus,? for he will save his people from their sins.?? All this took place? to fulfill what the Lord had spoken by the prophet:?Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name? Immanuel? (which means, God? with us).

Ask: Has there ever been a more giant ask that this to a first time dad in history?

Ask: what would the social stigma be on Joseph?

Either that he is sexually impure.
Or that he is raising someone else?s baby.

What Joseph do?

?When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, but knew her not until she had given birth to a son. And? he called his name Jesus.?

He obeys.

Righteousness is fear of God, trusting God, obedience to God and His law/word.
Joseph did what God said, whether that was in His revealed Word of Scripture or His immediate Word from an angel.

We go: ?Of course he obeyed, angel showed up and told him what to do.?

Ask: Does always happen?

No, it doesn?t.
Jonah.
Saul.
Others?

Joseph was righteous because he was willing to live by faith.

3 OTHER THINGS ON JOSEPH

Provides, protects and dies.

So he loves and cares for his wife and his child, and then is gone.
That is a godly father.

Ask: If your daughter was dating a young man who:

worked hard,
was sexually pure,
obeyed the Word of God at every point it was given to him,
was capable of relocating his family to another country for their protection and got it done and didn?t cry or whine about it.
And led him home with firmness and kindness,
how excited would you be about her marrying him?
I?ll take him.

PRACTICAL QUESTIONS TO MOVE TO

Ask: what are some standards that a dad should set in his home?

Ask: what keeps us from setting them? ?(Confess and repent of this sin.)

Ask: what does tenderness look like from a dad in his home?

Ask: What keeps us from this? (Confess and repent of this sin.)

___

Image Attribution: MikeBaird

Matthew Kruse

Matthew Kruse is one of the pastors serving the people of Seven Mile Road in Malden and Melrose. It?s been his joy to plant Seven Mile, working and learning and failing and growing and seeing many come to repentance of sin, faith in Christ, and obedience to Him. Having grown up in Revere and Everett, Kruse loves the just-north-of-Boston tribe and longs to see the Spirit at work in redemptive ways among many there. His roles at Seven Mile Road include leading vision and strategy, preaching the Word, shaping the souls of our current and future leaders, and living missionally out of the Melrose congregation. He is also a husband to Grace and dad to four awesome children who you?d love.

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